Posted 2/21/06

News... On The March
with Matt Thompson

Pamela Anderson has announced she'll be boycotting the Kentucky Derby horse race this year because she thinks it's a cruel spectacle - and she's urging other celebrities to stay away too. In other news, she also denouncing Christmas and Santa Clause because making reindeer fly around the world in one night is just too much pressure for those magical animals.

Catholic group Opus Dei has called for "references that hurt Catholics" to be cut from the film adaptation of Dan Brown's hit novel The Da Vinci Code. A spokesman for the group said ‘Once we take care of the Da Vinci Code, we might finally be able to address that whole molesting priests thing.”

Socialite Paris Hilton has reportedly been asked to play celebrated humanitarian Mother Teresa in a movie biopic. Why even bother writing a punchline to this one, you’re probably laughing already.

The shirt Jake Gyllenhaal wore portraying gay cowboy Jack Twist in Brokeback Mountain has sold for $101,100 on auction website eBay. The costumes he wore while playing the gay construction worker, biker, Indian and police officers are still up for bid.

Actress Lucy Liu has laughed off rumors she enjoyed a fling with Hollywood heart-throb George Clooney in Miami, insisting she has never even been to the Florida hotspot. When the question was posed to Mr. Clooney, he said “Lucy Who?”

The Fast And The Furious star Paul Walker has blasted Hollywood stars who complain about becoming paparazzi targets - because it's so easy to escape their prying lenses.“I mean, just look at Vin Disel, nobody knows or cares where he is anymore.”

Movie star Jessica Simpson faces having to hand over jewelry and a substantial amount of her earnings to estranged husband Nick Lachey, This makes it official, Divorce Court is the only think Mr. Lachey will ever star in again.