Posted 2/25/08

News... On The March
with Matt Thompson

Troubled actor Owen Wilson is finding comfort in the arms of hottie Jessica Simpson after his failed suicide attempt as the two are now romantically linked.  When asked what he thought of the situation, Simpson’s ex husband Nick Lachey said “Anyone who’s ever talked to Jessica knows that if Wilson plans on having a conversation with her, they’d better put him back on suicide watch.

According to pop star Britney Spears, she does her best to ignore all of the negative press about her.  Apparently she’s able to do this by taping the tabloids to her children, that way she’ll never see them.

Leo Fiyalko, a 92-year-old blind golfer has hit a hole-in-one while playing a 110-yard, par-3 hole in Clearwater Florida.  When asked what his handicap was, he replied, “Well, blindness for one.” 

According to a survey of over 10,000 women, German men are the worst ‘lovers’ in the world.  According to German men, women are bitches.

YouTube was disrupted around the world for several hours Sunday after a botched effort by the Pakistan government to block access to a video clip critical of Islam because the government feared the film could spark deadly riots.  For the most part the disruption went unnoticed around the world, except for in Pakistan, where the slowing of the Internet sparked deadly riots.

A woman was reportedly caught after breaking into Standford Hill prison to have sex with her husband.  This gives a whole new meaning to the punishment of ‘spending a night in the box.’

Border guards in Belarus are hunting a man who tried to smuggle almost three hundred parrots into the country on the back of a bicycle.  While the man was able to escape, the birds are in custody with bail set $1 million.  That may seem a little steep, but the judge said he had to make it high as the birds are a flight risk.

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