RRBS Softball 2 - Game Log
Game #7

August 12, 2008

Players: Rob Baughman, Kelly Davis, Beth Harsany, Mike Jennings, Andy Lang, Katie Puls, Laurie Silbernagel, Jon Stropes, Jamie Tate, Matt Thompson

So here it was again, yet another 6:30 game to deal with. How many more of these were we going to have to put up with? Nobody liked them in the first place, but it was getting even worse now that a number of our players work schedules had increased. The one thing we had going for us is that we’d won the previous week, and were all still feeling pretty good. I mean, we had to feel better than we did the previous week, right?

With little to afternoon to speak of after work, I didn’t do much else aside from getting an energy drink at Wal-Mart before heading over to the practice field. I don’t even remember what the name of the drink was, but it was the cheapest off-brand Wal-Mart had to offer. I figured that for only $1, I couldn’t be too disappointed with whatever I was getting. I was wrong. I tasted like someone had dropped turd-flavored pop-rocks into grape Kool-Aid. I drank it anyway though… I didn’t want to waste a dollar.

I dreaded the entire trip over to the fields this time around after last week’s traffic debacle. The entire way out of my neighborhood I told myself I was going to take an alternate route… but road hypnosis must have taken over because I robotically turned to go the same way I always do.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that traffic was actually moving along this week as apposed to the parking lot-esque appearance it took the previous week. In no time at all, I was on my way to the field… only being stopped by Andy’s phone call to buy some beer at the liquor store.

I don’t mind buying beer, but I must admit, I do hate purchasing it wearing my softball gear. It’s not that I’m not proud of my team, it’s just that DaéRon or Shaniqua or Lequisha or whatever the woman’s name is behind the counter always snickers a little bit when I walk up with my case of Keystone Light sporting a cut-off Wal-Mart shirt that says Showboat on the back. It also didn’t help that this week I was once again wearing my knee high black socks, you know, just in case I had to slide for the first time ever.

When I got to the field, it was only Andy standing there playing with himself. No, not like that. He was actually just stretching while talking on the phone. I was going to make my way over to the port-o-lets but apparently whatever had happened last week with the two shady people in the cars had been bad enough to have them removed. And that wasn’t all… in their place was a state trooper. That didn’t stop me from clearly breaking the law and caring a case of beer into the ballpark though. And I would have done it again in a heartbeat too. Take that “Johnny Law!”

The next to arrive was Rob, who had a big smile on his face. He was happy because he’d had another great day at work, which brought up bad memories from Week #2. The last time Rob had a great day at work we got slaughtered. Oh, and it just so happened that that great day at work was also a 6:30 game, coming off a win against the Hartford. The amount of parallels here was disturbing. If only Kambria had been there to try and break up the team, the similarities would have been complete.

Andy quickly pulled Rob aside and had him get a few throws out of the way. You see, we’d noticed over the course of the season that Rob’s first few tosses are interesting to say the least. You never quite know where they are going to end up. Well, you know one place they aren’t going to end it… in your glove. He didn’t disappoint either. The first toss went wide right of Andy, which was then followed up by a toss that was at least four feet over my head.

As I was chasing that ball, Stropes and Katie (our new permanent teammate) rolled in, and soon made their way to the field. Before even throwing a ball, the two of them started doing stretches. Now, when a girl does yoga type stretches, everything seems all right with the world. If gymnastics Summer Olympics in Beijing have taught me anything, it’s that woman are supposed to be able to contort themselves into all kinds of positions. This is not the case for men. Stropes proved that for me when we began doing some sort of poses where he had to put one leg up in the air and put his other hand out straight. It might have been called the Enchanted Homo or something like that, I’m not sure.

After holding in my laughter, I decided to start conducting batting practice with everyone heading out to the outfield but Andy who planned on hitting a few. The first few I threw him were all good, but he failed to see that. No matter what I throw in practice, he calls it a ball. Every single time! But, after a few more, he started swinging and cranking them out. The first few were good, but when I switched to my Adidas balls, things got messy. I think Mike said it best when he pointed out that these balls act as if they are filled with mashed potatoes. I’ve never hit a mashed potato before, but I’m assuming, it can’t feel much different than the lame ass neon yellow ones I bought. I swear to god, one of them has morphed into a square. It’s almost a cube. The other ones are all so warped they look like they’re made of silly putty. Stupid Adidas.

After a few tosses to Andy, something bad happened with my bad ankle, which worried me. I think stepping in the pitching divot right in front of the mound cause me to step awkward, and I twisted my ankle. All of a sudden, I couldn’t pitch without pain shooting up through my leg. I tried to jog it off but it didn’t seem to want to go away. I asked if someone else wanted to take over pitching as I hobbled to my car to look for my ankle brace.

While warm ups continued, I poked around the back of my car looking for my ankle brace without finding it anywhere. I practically tore by trunk apart but it was nowhere to be found. Now how in the world was that possible? I remember seeing it almost every single day… where could it be the one time I actually need it? Oh well, I didn’t have time to worry about that; we had a game to get to. I checked my phone and saw our game was set to start in about 15 minutes, so I quickly rallied the troops and told them to start packing up. I felt bad for Beth who had shown up just in time to get back in her car and pull away.

Upon arriving to the park we were immediately greeted over the loud speaker with the great news that “Team Really” would be playing on field #2. What the hell? The damn Astroturf field? That’s just what we needed. We were going into a game as cold as we have been all year, and we were going to be plopped down on the fastest field in the park. They might as well have just shot us right then and there. Everyone but Laurie and Katie were dreading this announcement, as they had no idea what they were in for. I’m sure Kelly would have dreaded it too, had she been there; but she was late again.

We still had a few minutes before game time when Jamie showed up so I asked her if she once again wanted to go across the way and warm up? She seemed to be in a little better spirits this week, having not almost killed herself waterskiing this time around. We only got a few throws in before we had to race back to the dugout to get ready.

It was then I remembered that I still hadn’t filled out the lineup yet, so I once again sent Rob out to talk to the ump and pretend to be the team captain. Hey, it had worked last time. His luck with the coin toss turned out to be as bad as the week before because he lost both again, which meant we were going to be the visiting team for the fifth week in a row. Why does the softball god hate the Really Really Big Show so much?

At least that meant we could now give Kelly a little more time to show up as she still hadn’t arrived when our first batter was set to start things off. Once again it was going to be Mike in his new position as lead off man. And once again, he swung for the fence and fouled out. That was alright though… it was still early. Next up was Beth who got a nice base hit to break her batting slump. I think we all cheered a little harder as she made it to first because you know, we’re supportive like that. Andy followed suit by also getting a base hit and so did the newly arriving Kelly. I was impressed that I actually saw speed up a little as she was walking to the dugout, maybe that was a good sign for the day. Now, with the bases loaded came Stropes. He’d been having a rough go of it for the past few weeks, and had continued to complain that he was in a slump. So, like all guys in a slump, Jon decided to not swing at anything, and got his first walk of the season. I don’t know which we were more surprised about, that he didn’t swing, or that our big hitter got his first RBIs in awhile by not doing anything. He drove in two runs because Jamie got to walk behind him. That also meant that I was now up.

When Jamie found out that I’d be hitting behind her, she groaned, remembering last year how I single handedly kept her off of second base most of the season. I walked up to the plate with that in mind, hoping beyond hope that I wouldn’t do it again. I promised her I wouldn’t… but we all know me and promises. Any way, all was going to plan until their pitcher began his wind up, and it looked like he was doing some sort of magic trick. He contorted his body in such a way that it looked like he was getting ready to swing a bat, then he’d do some sort of snake charmer move before letting go of the ball. Needless to say, he was way off most of the time, but I still managed to swing at one of the pitches, knocking it into the turf so hard that the short stop fumbled it, allowing Jamie to get to second, Stropes to third, and me to first. Yes, I know, all luck.

Laurie came up to bat now and did to Jamie what I was afraid I was going to do to her, get her thrown out on third. Jon scored though, so it was now 4-0. That was followed up by a strike out by Rob, ending his amazing hitting streak, and also bringing to end the only momentum we’d have for the rest of the game.

Now normally I don’t like to tease the ending of the game before I get there, but in this case, we played some awful, awful softball. It might have been the early game, it might have been the turf, or it might have been the fact Rob had a good day at work and we were coming off of a win, but regardless, we played like crap.

I don’t know how were able to get out of that first inning after giving up eight runs, but we did it. The guys we were playing weren’t that good, but god could they place the ball wherever they wanted on that turf field. None of their shots were going deep in the outfield; it’s just that they were so fast rolling down the infield toward our basement that nobody could get to them in time. And then if a player did get to it, they’d throw it to the wrong base.

A couple of times I thought I’d be able to stop a ball as it rolled past me on the mound, but the whizzing sound, followed by the sonic boom proved me wrong. On of those balls in particular went right by me and into Andy’s twice surgically repaired kneed making a cracking sound louder than any bat could make. We all gasped as we thought he might be down for the count, but he was still able to get up and overthrow Kelly for an additional base. Not that we can blame him for that, it sounded awful. It that ball hadn’t hit his brace; I think we’d still be picking up bone shards.

This was followed by two in a row that went past Jamie on third. These weren’t her fault; she just couldn’t get to them in time. If Jesus and Superman had a kid together, I bet he/she wouldn’t be able to make that play. I added to the shellacking by running for a pop fly in the infield only to slip on my way to the ball. It’s never fun when people are laughing as they ask you if you’re okay.

Somehow we got out of that inning, and were shocked to see we were only down by eight. Our spirits still weren’t crushed, but that’s because we hadn’t batted yet. You see, nothing is more helpful to a team in the field and a pitcher than when you can close a team out, get back to the dugout, then get a couple hits to get your breath back and refocus. We did the exact opposite. Instead we got Katie striking out, Mike fouling out again, and Beth striking out. Then, just like that, bingo bango we were back on the field doing our best Special Olympics impressions. It was during this inning when I finally had to shush Jon over on second base that had begun treating the other team as if they were the Hartford. By that I mean he wouldn’t stop talking to them. They didn’t seem to mind though as they racked up another three runs very quickly. It was only when Jon decided to open his mouth again and tease a guy wearing “atomic orange shorts” that we finally got some traction.

When Jon taunted this guy, I could envision nothing else but him smoking the ball right into my face. Fortunately, that didn’t happen; however, it would have if the guy hadn’t whiffed at the ball. This was followed by a couple good fielding plays and we were back in the dugout.

I tried to motivate my team telling them that we’d come back from a lot more than this. This other team was kicking our ass and we were still only down by seven. All we needed was a couple of hits and maybe a run or two. We could get this momentum back.

Instead, we went 1-2-3 again. This time it was Andy hitting a ball right to the first baseman, Kelly fouling out, and Stropes popping out in the infield. Within 45 seconds, we were back on the field of dreams.

Then I don’t know if they got lazy or god took pity on us, but we were able to shut them down quickly. I struck one guy out who acted like he’d never played softball before. Of course, this was followed by me walking a girl. Next, two guys in a row decided to stop bunting the ball 90mph at Andy, and instead popped one to Kelly and one to Rob. Oh my god, were hot another chance to hit.

This new inning started off just where the last one did with a Foul Out by Jamie. This was good and bad though… bad that we had an out, but good that it took all the pressure off of me. I was now able to go watch rain man pitch me balls without worrying about forcing Jamie out. I decided as I walked up there that I as not, under any circumstances going to swing at a pitch thrown by this guy. He wasn’t swinging at mine, and besides, I wanted to be a dick.

So I step up there, and he throws me three balls in a row. I love it when a plan comes together. That meant that after three innings, we had finally gotten someone on base again. Two actually, because Laurie got to take a base too. This was followed by the best hit of the night, a crushing shot down the left field line by Rob which sent me home and got Laurie to second. It should have gotten Laurie to third, but Jon was talking to the other team and missed giving her the signal. At least, that’s what I’m told; I was too busy staring the pitching down after stomping on home plate. Take that, Dickweed!

Katie then sent a shot over to first, which cause her to be thrown out, but still was enough to get Laurie to third base and Rob to second. Mike was up next, and he looked pissed. After fouling out two times in a row, he was met with some suggestions from Andy including “Just get a base hit!” He must have listened too because he put one right over the second baseman, and got Laurie Home. Next up was Beth, and you could see her confidence was back down in the toilet. In fact, she really hadn’t even been herself behind the plate that night. She was greeted with a self-fulfilling prophecy as she struck out leaving a few on base. But even with that, we’d managed to add a couple of runs, and make things at least competitive. Again.

There was new life in the RRBS as we went out into the field. Our batting had gotten better. We were only down by five, and we’d just held the other team to no runs the inning before. But that was about to change. They quickly, and seemingly with no effort at all, put up three more runs on us, and just about put it out of reach with only a little time left on the clock.

We counted this with a hit by Andy, a force out by Kelly, a Strike out by Stropes and another one by Jamie. Good god, it’s like we were being repelled by our own dugout to stay our on the field. I don’t think we would have avoided it more if we knew the bench had syphilis. It was here the other team started showing us mercy by, how to you say… um, not trying. The mocked swung at pitches, slowing ran to bases, and didn’t care when they went four and out. I think they just wanted to play one more inning because with one minute left on the clock, we got one last up at bat.

Now, if only we could rally here, maybe some magic might happen. I knew it could actually… it’d happened to us before. In fact, I didn’t tell anyone out loud, but I was thinking it might be time to reenact the game in which the opposing team walked 10 in a row. I wasn’t going to say it, I was just going to lead by example. So, as the first one up, I decided once again not to swing at a pitch, and viola, I was walked in an instant. That meant Laurie was on base too, and this inning was under way. I was excited about all the possibilities ahead. That is until Rob fouled on two consecutive pitches, and got us our first out. But that was okay though, we still had two to go. Only a few more walks and we’d be fine.

But Katie decided to swing, and it was a good thing she did too because it was a great hit. She loaded the bases, and now our power lineup was up. What was this? A Rally I smelled? Mike was up next and I knew he’d do fine because he did so well his last time up. I was wrong. He fouled out again. No freaking way? Where were all the walks I had envisioned? That just left Beth, and I knew she wanted to be anywhere else but right there. It showed. Two swings later she had struck out, and the game was over.

Almost immediately after the game, everyone left. I’d never seen such a mass exodus from the park. Rob left before I could even say goodbye, and Kelly and Beth weren’t far behind him. Stropes was also quickly out of the park, leaving with Jamie and Katie. That just left Mike, Jamie, Andy and I to recap the game.

None of us were too disappointed as I think we were all just glad it was finally over. I’d never seen our team so uninterested in a game before. Nobody came to practice, nobody was excited to play, and nobody did well that evening. All we could do was laugh… about our team, and about how Stropes had made some new friends on the other team. Oh, and we also discovered Mike can’t stand still while Andy tells a story. We don’t whether to blame his A.D.D., or Andy’s story telling ability.