RRBS Softball Game Log
Game #5

July 24, 2007

Players: Kaitlyn Christopher, Kambria Current, Matt DiStasi, Jessica Hooker, Mike Jennings, Andy Lang, Jon Stropes, Jamie Tate, Matt Thompson, Ally Wells

It was hard for me to get back to my normal schedule of working from 6 AM to 3 PM every day since my previous week had consisted of all half-days.  So when Tuesday rolled around and I finally walked in my door around 3:15, I was tired.  Thankfully our softball game didn’t begin until 9:30, so I had a little bit of time to relax until then. Well, that’s what I thought, at least. 

As I lay down on my couch, dosing off while watching a TiVo’d edition of “Dr. Phil,” my phone rang.  After debating during the first two rings whether or not to answer it, I finally dragged myself up and got the phone.  I felt it was my duty as team captain to pick up any phone calls, especially since last week I had a few last minute cancellations.  When I looked at my caller ID I noticed that it was Stropes, so I picked it up and said hello.  He asked me if I would be up for practicing before the game, and I said sure.  What I didn’t realize was that by practice before the game, what he really meant was do you want to practice right now.  He told me that he was in the area, and didn’t plan on driving back home to the south side of town before the game.  I informed him that others on the team were talking about practicing before the game a few hours from now so we should probably wait.  He said that’s cool, and that he could just come over and hang and we would get some lunch later.  I agreed, hung up the phone, and resumed watching Dr. Phil.

When he showed up to my house, I was immediately bombarded with a few choice insults about my choice in television programs.  However, I have to point out that after only a few minutes of watching the show, Stropes was just as into it as I was.  Man Camp on Dr. Phil has got to be one of the best things on TV this summer.  Yes, I how sad that is.  After the show was over, we still had a couple of hours to kill so I told Stropes he should add an RRBS Softball logo to his uniform, much like the one I’ve got.  That way we could be Stonewashed buddies!  Unbelievably he accepted the offer, so we went about making it happen.  While he broke out the iron and went to work on his shirt, I went back to lying on the couch.

It took about a half hour for him to complete that task, in which time I decided I wasn’t going to be able to recharge my body the natural way (that being by sleep) so instead he and I chugged a Chaser 5-Hour energy drink.  It’s amazing how quickly those things kick in.  I was bouncing off the walls (and actually smiling) in less than five minutes.  To hell with sleep… this stuff kicked ass.

The happiness from my magic juice quickly wore off though as I got a text message that could have effected the rest of the evening.  Ally wrote and told me that because of the games late start and her early morning the next day, she might not be able to make it.  I told her that she had too.  She told me she didn’t think she could.  I told her she had to again.  She didn’t write back.  So then I told her that if she didn’t come I would put it in the next game log.  She asked if that was a threat.  I said no, it’s a promise.  Then she said she ‘might be able to make it,” but that I might be a good idea to find a sub, just in case.  (Okay, she didn’t actually put all that in a text message, that would have been crazy, but you get the point… lol, lmao, ;)

I informed Stropes of the situation and he came up with the only plan he could think of, which was to go get something to eat.  In a strange way it made sense to me, so we headed off for the Chinese buffet near Andy house.  I told him that the Chinese place near Andy’s only accepted cash, so I would have to stop by the bank.  He told me don’t worry, I have cash, and I owe you money anyway.  I said okay, and we left.

On the way there, I started making the same phone calls I had made the week before.  I dialed up everyone who had told me that last week wouldn’t work, but that they’d play any other time.  I was about to test that theory.  As it turns out, it wasn’t true.  Some flat out said no, some gave me lame excuses, some actually got mad at me, and others (those who have figured out that if I call on Tuesday evening, it’s about Softball) didn’t bother to answer their phones.  Finally I got a hold of our friend Julie who had wanted to be on the team from the beginning.  She said that she’d love to play, but wouldn’t be able to practice and might not be able to stay the entire game because she was on call for “umbilical cord duty.”  I told her I didn’t even want to know what that meant.  She told me anyway.

I called Stropes who had zoomed ahead of me on his mission to the Chinese place, and told him that we’d found a sub.  He said that he already knew that, he’d just talked to her.  I told him thanks for letting me know.  I called me an ass, and by that time we’d made it to the parking lot of the buffet.

As we started I to eat, Stropes reached in for his wallet and realized he didn’t have any cash on him.  Who out there didn’t predict this happening?  If you didn’t, you don’t know Jon very well.  Since we needed cash to eat there, a point I’d made about an hour previous, we walked over to a nearby ATM and we both got money.  I was still going to make him pay for me, but I always like to have a little green in my wallet. 

When we walked inside I thought Jon’s eyes were going to bug out of his head at all the delicious selections on the moveable buffet carts.  Obviously the Jumbo restaurant was right up his alley. Andy met us there, though he wasn’t eating, and we chatted about a number of things that would bore you if I put them in here.  I do have to mention three things before I move on though.  First of all, why does every Chinese place have to have onion rings, mac n’ cheese and ice cream that melts before it even hits the bowl.  Two, when we were finishing up, Stropes ate the biggest bowl of vanilla pudding that I’d ever seen one person put down.  And finally, what kind of oriental restaurant doesn’t have freakin’ fortune cookies?  I mean really???  That nearly ruined the entire experience for me. 

About an 15 minutes later when we got to Andy’s house, Jon made a beeline for Staz bathroom in order to “christen” it.  I didn’t know what that meant until about 10 minutes had past and a strong odor followed him down the stairs.  I would laugh more at this, but the same gurgle hit me about 10 minutes after that, and I had to go into the bathroom and do the same thing.  Only I had to hold my breath the entire time trying not to die from Stropes’ funk.

Once our insides had been thoroughly flushed, we decided it was time for the three of us to head over to the practice field.  When we arrived, the park was empty except for some loser on the field across from the one we always practice on.  They looked to be doing stretches or yoga or some other crap, so we just ignored them and went on our own way.  I started warming up my arm by pitching to Andy and Stropes, who took joy in crushing everything to the outfield.  Around this time Mike pulled up and joined in the fun.

From across the parking lot, the crazy stretcher person came running over and I noticed it was Kaitlyn.  She was a little disappointed that we’d chosen to ignore her, and instead just start our own warm-ups in another field.  Her and I got into an argument over which field we normally practiced on while Mike, Jon and Andy resumed practicing.  I still think I’m right about this one, but then again, I’m biased.

I took turns pitching to Stropes, then to Andy and then to Mike, and I threw pretty well to each of them.  Then Kaitlyn came up to practice, and I don’t know whether my arm was still holding a grudge about the field thing or what, but I couldn’t throw a good ball to save my life.  And saving my life is what I thought I was going to have to do judging by the looks she was giving me as balls kept landing 3 feet in front or to the left of the plate.  I nicely asked Mike to take over for me while I started doing fielding drills with Stropes and Andy.  Andy was working on his throws from short stop to first base because as of late, his aim during games had been a bit off.  It wasn’t that he couldn’t get the ball to first, it was just that he tended to miss Jon’s glove by five or six feet in either direction.  I have to say though, in practice, he was on fire.  And Stropes was catching everything. 

Around this time Staz and Jamie both showed up and joined in on the practice.  Stropes went up to the plate and started knocking balls out to the outfield for Staz and Mike to field.  Mike was also testing out his canon arm by rocketing it from the outfield (or sometimes shortstop) to our fill-in first baseman, which just so happened to be me.  I wasn’t doing to bad of a job when I was paying attention.  A lot of my time was spent defending myself from the verbal jabs flying my way from Jamie and Kaitlyn who’d made it a fun game to make fun of the way I did anything and everything.  Of course, this is nothing new to me.  When Mike tired of throwing balls from the outfield, he decided to start hitting balls into it.  I resumed pitching, which all of a sudden had come back to me, and he started knocking them out to the fence.  All was fine until he noticed his arm had begun to hurt, and he worried that he might have pulled a muscle.  Uh-oh.

With that in our minds, we suspended practice and began to pack up for the complex.  Stropes and I were the last two remaining the parking lot when he checked his phone and got disastrous look on his face.  “Julie just canceled,” he said.  My heart sank.  Somewhere Julie was cutting off a babies food supply while we were looking at being down a playing in softball.  Why did god hate us so much?  I started to get in my car, and noticed that my phone too had a message.  I fully expected to see that Julie had called me to say the same thing but was surprised when it turned out to be Ally saying that she’d be coming to game.  I told her she was a lifesaver, and had just moved up the list of my favorite players on the team (sorry Staz).  

Upon arriving at the park, informed Jamie, Stropes, Andy and Staz of the good news that Ally would be joining us.  To add to the excitement, I cranked up “Don’t Stop Believing” while I unpacked my car.  After an impromptu jam session, we walked inside.  Then we got some bad news. We were scheduled to play on dreaded field #2, the astro-turf nightmare, and we weren’t going to be getting out of it this time.  Then more good news.  Turns out we were going to have an ump that we’d never had before, which meant we weren’t getting the guy who hated us, or the guy Kaitlyn almost maimed with a baseball bat.  Then more bad news.  The team we were playing was the team that killed us in week #1.  You know, the undefeated team, the team that had been together for years, the best team in the league.  Yeah, that one.

We had plenty of time to think about this since we’d gotten to the fields way too early and the game before us was going way long.  This gave mike time to ice his arm, which worried us, and gave Jessie the opportunity to tell us all about her weekend on a houseboat.  She told us an interesting story about a guest on her trip that I won’t repeat in this forum because I don’t know who will read it.  However, I will tell you that the punch line is “Big Montana,” and for those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s a huge roast beef sandwich at Arby’s.  During her story I realized that I’d forgotten to get our score sheet out of my car so I took off running to get it.  I don’t know why I ran though; our game wasn’t scheduled to start for another 20 minutes.  Maybe I just thought I looked more athletic that way.

By the time I’d gotten back, I noticed something was wrong.  My hat was missing.  My new St. Louis Cardinals hat was gone!  I looked over at Stropes, who was wearing a Chicago Cubs hat, and knew he was the culprit.  I demanded that he tell me where it was, but all he would say was “getting colder.”  I froze in my tracks… I knew how this was going to play out.  I started walking around slowly getting warmer and colder tips from Jon, all the while whining for him to tell me where it was.  Kaitlyn and Jamie then joined in the fun because they both figured out where it was before I did.  Now I had three people mocking me instead of one.  Not that I’m not used to these odds, but mix in the fact that my hat was missing, and you’ve got a critical situation.  My whining had become louder and more frequent when I figured out that the hat was not in my bag, Jon’s bag, Jessie’s hair, the trashcan or the BBQ grill.  It was only then that Jamie gave me a “look up” tip and I noticed it was in the rafters of the clubhouse.  I took off for it and did an Olympic-like leap to grab on to the rafters and pull myself up.  I grabbed the hat, slammed it on my head, and turned around to gloat.  By now everyone had lost interest in me, and no one cared.  It was then I noticed that I’d sliced my fingers open and was bleeding in three spots.  Perfect.

As I was taping my mangled non-throwing hand, Ally and two friends walked up with a cooler.  It didn’t occur to me until later that they must have been the people that prompted the “no coolers allowed in the park” announcement over the PA system just five minutes later.  Ally was dressed a little different that usual in that she looked like she was outfitted for a pajama party more than she did a softball game.  I pointed this out to her, but she just laughed and handed me a bottle of wine to taste.  I think she did that more to shut me up than to get my opinion the flavor. 

It was then that the new Ump summoned us to the dugout to begin play.  The team, now fully intact for the first time since week #2, was joined by Ally’s two friends who made their spot at the end of the bench with their cooler full of alcoholic goodness.  Thinking we were the home team, all of us trotted out onto the field and began warming up.  I was quickly informed by the ump that we were in fact the visiting team, so we all trotted back into the dugout and got ready to bad.  Not a good start.

Here is where things got weird.  We started kicking ass.  Not just in a Really Really Big Show type of way (which is to say, not really kicking ass at all) but in a real, we’re beating the crap out of this other team kind of way.  We made it through our entire batting order and scored five runs in the first inning!  Then to top it all over, we held them to only one run during their first time up, so we were in the lead by four on the best team in the league!  And no, I’m not making this up.

Two items of note that I have to mention about the first inning.  First, while rounding the bases after his double, Stropes ran smack dab into the other teams fairly large and totally bald second basemen.  Stropes was nice about it though and helped him up and dusted him off.  Then, in the same inning when they were up to bat, that same bald guy smacked one to right field directly to Staz.  Staz then threw it to Jon, our cutoff man on the play, who then threw a line drive for Jessie at second.  Only the ball never made it to Jessie.  Instead it nailed the bald guy right in the small of the back.  He wasn’t happy.  Jon once again apologized, but now the guy wanted revenge.

From that point on, everything was working out for us.  Mike was all over the outfield catching everything that was hit his way… or Ally’s way… or even Kambria’s way.  Kambria on the other hand was struggling a bit in the outfield as a week of playing college level softball in the national championships had warn her out.  Andy was stopping balls at short, Jessie was back to her better form at second, and even Kaitlyn had found some new strength and was slinging the balls back to me from home plate with a vengeance.   Jamie of course was her usual MVP-like self, and Stropes was a monster on first. 

Speaking of Stropes, he did make one of the greatest plays of the night.  But before I get into that, I have to say that this, by far, was the best game I’d ever played.  My pitching was on fire; I hadn’t walked a single person, and had already struck out two people.  I caught two pop flies, and made three great stops in a row, throwing people out at third, second and first.  Now here’s where Stropes comes back in.  A rather plump girl who’d been a solid hitter for the other team stepped up to the plate.  I threw her another one of my perfectly aimed balls and she dribbled it out to the mound.  Up to that point in the night, I hadn’t muffed a grounder, but for some reason this one didn’t want to go into my glove.  Then when it was in my glove, it didn’t want to go into my throwing hand.  By the time I had it in my right had to throw it to Stropes, the heavy girl was nearing first base.  I launched the ball toward Jon but was WAY off in my aim. The ball went sailing over his head and to his right, about as far away from his glove as possible.  But Jon was not going to let this one get away from him.  He leapt what seemed like five feet off the ground, caught the ball in his right hand, and landed on the bag, meaning the rotund runner was out at first.  That has to be the picture on his baseball card.

The rest of the game was going about the same way.  I nailed a couple of hot shots over the heads of the infielders and got my first double of the year.  Staz once again proved that if he makes contact with the ball, he can make it on base.  My theory is that even if he hit a line drive to the first baseman, there is still a pretty good chance Staz would make it on base before he would.  Ally and Kaitlyn got a few hits as well, and Andy continued his streak of pissing of the opposing team by refusing to swing at the first pitch… ever.  Mike struggled a bit as he swung for the fences.  Every ball he hit looked like it was heading out of the park, but would always land just a bit short, and usually into the opposing left fielder’s glove. 

By the time the fifth inning rolled around, we were up by six and time was running out.  It really looked like we were going to pull this one off.  In the dugout, things were getting pretty tense, except for down near the end of the bench where Ally and her two friends kept popping into their illegal cooler for some more bottled wine.  I walked down to the party section of the bench and told Ally that if we won, she was going to be required to wear her crazy pajama outfit for duration of season. She didn’t seem to mind the idea.  I then walked down to the bench to see Andy chugging a beer, Mike coaching Kambria who was up to bat, and Stropes relentlessly swinging his bat for practice.  Jessie was busy taking pictures with my camera, none of which came out because my camera sucks and it was too dark outside.  Kaitlyn was left to try and keep me calm before having to go out there and pitch one more time for the win. 

But what could go wrong at this point?  We’ve been beating this team all night, their pitching and fielding and been sub-par, are hitting had been decent, we hadn’t made bonehead mistakes and the game was almost over.  Sure, they had one more at-bat, but they had only scored five runs all game, and they were currently up by six.  Plus, we were up to bat and had scored every inning to this point.  It was time to pad our lead. 

Kambria was first up to bat, and she knocked in a single to put her on first.  She also almost got taken out with the ball again as it went flying toward her head.  Fortunately their first baseman saved another near tragedy. Then came Staz who did the same thing. Jamie then followed him and loaded the bases.  Now our power hitter Jon was up to bat.  He’d been a monster all night, and I was feeling good about this.  Bases loaded, no outs, Jon up to bat, what could go wrong?

I turned Kaitlyn as excited as I’ve ever been and said, I think we’re going to win this game.  As soon as it left my mouth, I knew I shouldn’t have said anything, but I was just too excited.  I explained to her that I’d never, ever, ever won a game in an organized sports league before.  Not since middle school, anyway.  My intramural teams in high school never won, neither did my ones in college.  Not my basketball teams, my flag football teams or my softball team.  Hell, even when I participated in the school’s Euchre tournament, I left without a win… and I freaking’ rock at that game.  But this was it; this was the moment I’d always been waiting for.  In front of a partisan crowd, on the nasty astro-turf field, with our team finally playing as a whole, we were going to beat a team.  Not just a team, the BEST team in the league!

And then it happened.  Jon hit a pop fly out into left field and it was caught.  But that was okay, it was only one out.  Oh wait, no it wasn’t.  For some reason Staz had gotten mixed up on the base running and took off for third, which Kambria was still on.  She didn’t run because the ball was heading for the infield.  And where did it go?  It went right to second base where Staz was called out.  Now we had two on base with two outs, and up by six.  Things still weren’t lost, but the momentum and confidence had changed.  Next up was Jessie, and she got a couple of bad calls at the plate and struck out.  By now, time on the scoreboard had run out which meant that this was it.  All we had to do is keep this team from scoring six runs to tie, or seven to win.

Stropes, Jessie and I met near second base before I took the mound fir the final time.  Stropes had huddled with me between every inning thus far, and it had worked so we did it again.  Jessie said she wanted in just because she wanted to be a part of something that looked important.  Stropes told me that all we had to do was get through this inning and we were home free.  That may have been true, but it did nothing to relieve the pressure.  Though my pitching had been great all night, I felt like it was the first game all over again.  All eyes were on me as I took the mound and through my first pitch.  It didn’t even make it to the plate.  The next two were both long and I walked the guy, putting him and the girl after him on base.  Not good.  The whole team was tense at this point.  The only sounds I could at that point where Ally yelling “come on Matt” from right field and “Big Montana!” chants (which sounded like Scarface) coming from first base. 

My next pitch was a good one but the guy got a hold of hit and nailed it straight down the line toward Ally in left.  She was able to get the ball but, Mike missed the mark throwing it to Andy and they got two runs in and left a guy on third.  The next girl up hit a line drive to Jessie who Jessie who muffed the ball, giving the guy on third base enough time score and leaving that girl on first.  We were now only up by 3, with a girl on first and no outs.  Not good, but not over yet.

The pitcher who’d been pissed at our team all night for walking people was now up and he looked like he wasn’t going to swing at anything.  Well, he didn’t.  And the Ump had decided that nothing I threw was going to be a strike so three pitches later he and the girl behind him were now on base.  This meant it we were up by 3, with the bases loaded and no outs.  Oh, and to make things even better, look who was walking to the plate… Mr. Baldy.

I wasn’t too nervous though; this guy hadn’t played well all night.  I needed him to hit another pop out or maybe even strike out again and we’d be back in business.  These guys had stranded a lot of players on base this game, so the odds were still in our favor.  I stepped up to the mound and the everything was silent.  Even Ally wasn’t cheering at this point.  I threw a pitch and the guy got a hold of it, but it went foul.  All I had to do is get one more strike on him, and we had our first out, and a weak hitting girl was up next.  I threw another pitch and it was way short, but instead of letting it hit the plate, Baldy stepped up and swing at it, crushing it and sending the ball screaming toward the fence in center field.  Mike ran for it, but it was too late.  As soon as the ball had hit his bat, I knew it was gone.  The ball cleared the fence easily, and all four of the base runners made their way to home plate.  We’d just lost a game by way of a walk-off grand slam.  In a Coed D-League game???  Are you kidding me???  Has this ever happened to any other team but the RRBS?  I highly doubt it.

In disbelief we made our way off the field.  Andy threw his mitt up in the air which came crashing down on Jessie, making it the second time he’d hit her with his glove.  And at the same time, Stropes threw his glove across the field which hit Jamie squarely in the head.  Now she had another reason to hate him other than his repeatedly calling her Jessie.

No one really spoke as we packed up our things, except for Ally’s friends who said they’d never seen anything like that before.  I sat in the dugout sulking; looking at my glove and wondering how I’d let my first win slip away from me like that.  No one was going to believe this.  As Stropes, Staz and Andy bitched about the game on the other side of the dugout wall, I slowly started to pack up my things.  Mike had stormed off as soon as the game was over, taking the defeat as hard as I did.  Jessie and Jamie also left quickly to nurse their wounds, following Ally and her friends who looked like they were going to keep the party going elsewhere.   As I left the dugout, the next team was making their way in, and right in the middle of their group was Baldy, who was talking about how much the pitcher in that last game sucked.  And for those of you playing at home, that pitcher was me.  I put on a happy face and walked over to him to congratulate him on his grand slam.  I said “nice hit man, even though my pitching does suck.”  He replied with “Yeah, I don’t doubt it,” And went back to celebrating.

I saw Kaitlyn leaving so I walked over and gave her a hug and said sorry for blowing the game.  She tried to tell me that it wasn’t my fault and that I’d played good, but I knew she was just being nice.  I then walked out and met Andy, Stropes and Staz in the parking lot where they told me the same thing.  I told them about my encounter with Baldy, and Stropes ran back into the park to tell him off.  I just grabbed a beer from Andy and split it with Jessie who had walked over to join us.  Andy grabbed a cigarette and we waited for a rumble to break out between Stropes and whoever was left inside the complex. 

No fight broke out, but Jon did come back with some interesting news.  Turns out he couldn’t get a hold of Baldy because he was busy playing with his other team, a Mens A-League team.  He did talk to the team we played though, and told them what he’d done.  They were very apologetic and said that the guy is a real a-hole anyway.  At this point I didn’t car though, we’d still lost, and I’d still never won a game.