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RRBS Softball Game Log August 7, 2007 Players: Kambria Current, Matt DiStasi, Jason Hoffsetz, Jessica Hooker, Mike Jennings, Danielle Sayre, Jon Stropes, Jamie Tate, Matt Thompson, Jenna ??? There was only one way to describe the heat wave that had crashed down upon us on the week leading up to our seventh game, brutally and unbearably hot. After playing in the nice cool confines of our 10:30 time slot last week, we were now facing a heat index of 104º while playing in the blistering sun at 6:30 at night. Where was that rain we used to get every Tuesday? Other than the heat, my stress level was pretty low that day, as I finally didn’t have to run around like a mad man trying to find substitutes for the team. That problem had already been taken care of. We were going to be missing three that evening, two of which hadn’t missed a game to that point. Andy was out of town in Florida with his little brother, Kaitlyn was living it up in New York with some friends, and Ally was MIA in Bloomington, probably looking for Kimmy who still hadn’t been seen or heard from since week three.
As my workday was coming to a close on Tuesday, Jason and I decided it would be beneficial to him if we went outside and threw some balls around in the parking lot. Having nothing else to do at the time, I happily agreed and we spend the better part of 20 minutes warming up for no good reason. Nobody saw us along the side of the building except of course for our sports guy who made it a point to mention how weak of an arm he thought I had. I thought that type of harassment had ended when my family left town? Eventually Jason decided that he needed to get back to work, and I needed to leave for home so I could relax for at least a few minutes before taking off for real practice. Stropes called me almost as soon as I had left the building and said he’d was heading to the mall to buy a new hat because he’d forgotten his on the south side, and didn’t feel like driving home to get it. He asked me if I wanted to meet him there. With that kind of argument, I couldn’t help but accept his invitation. I figured I could always use a new hat, and maybe I’d pick up a new Under Armor shirt at the same time.
When I got to the mall, all I could think about was playing in this heat. I knew I needed to buy something at Dick’s to help with the situation. They had these new undershirts (that would look very nice under my Fancy Dan jersey) that were also supposed to help you beat the heat by taking the sweat off the skin. Actually, I don’t know how the shirt works as I really didn’t feel the need to read the dissertation on the label and I was willing to take their word for it. I looked around for one that was my size and also in the color I wanted. I figured a little red on red might look stunning on the mound so I proceeded to pick through every rack looking at everything they had. Of course, they didn’t have red. They had blue, teal, peach, a color called “nude” and even a few yellows (who the hell wears yellow?) but no red. Did every one have the same team colors we did? Every other style of shirt that Under Armor sold was featured in red except for the one I wanted. So reluctantly I picked up a blue version of the shirt and headed for the counter to buy it. Walking through the jail-bait infested mall I made my way past the food court and to Lids where I began looking for a new hat that wouldn’t look out of place on my gigantic head. Hat shopping is somewhat of a chore for me because only one out of every 10 doesn’t make me look like a special needs child. My head is such an odd shape that hats will either bulge out on the sides, be too tight, the bill will straighten out, the snaps won’t fasten or the front sticks up like a billboard. What really sucks is that I love hats, so shopping for them tends to depress me. But I wasn’t going to let that bother me today, I had to have a new one, and damn it, I was going to get one. Around that time, Stropes moseyed into the store and within two minutes found the one he wanted. That bastard, everything he picked up fit his normal head. I continued shopping, determined to find one, for another 10 minutes. I left empty handed. Having only my new shirt to comfort me, Stropes and I made our way back to my house to prepare for the game. Did I mention it was blistering hot outside? When we got there, Stropes started undressing in my office which made me a bit uncomfortable, so I went to my room to try on my new gear. I got out my shirt, put it on and realized the mistake I had made in picking it out. This was no ordinary sleeveless shirt; this thing was like a second skin. It was tighter than anything else I’d ever put on in my life, and was more form fitting than Britney Spears’ old jeans. And while it was tight, it was also strangely comforting. I felt like the guys in the under armor commercials with their bulging biceps and six-pack abs. I sure as hell didn’t look like them, but this was the closest I’d gotten in quite some time. I threw Fancy Dan over the top of my second (supposedly head resistant) skin and put on some sliders under my shorts and got ready to head out. I packed a cooler full of water and jumped in the car. Stropes, who was in a hurry to go practice in this mess, had already left, but I stayed behind to make sure I’d gotten everything. Water – check. Bats – check. Balls and score card – check and check. Three stupid dollars to pay to get into the park – check check check. I was good to go. I got in the car and started making phone calls to let everyone know we’d be practicing. Each call I made was greeted with the same two responses… either it was I’m not off of work yet, I’ll meet you at the game field, or are you kidding, it’s too damn hot,I’ll meet you at the game field. Only Kambria and Mike were daring enough to join Stropes and I before the game. Jason was also going to come, but he had to because he had no idea where the game field was. Before arriving at the practice field, I made a quick stop by the liquor store to pick up some Brigade (now a weekly tradition) only to find that they were out. I had to pick up some High Life instead, but that was okay because it’s the champagne of beers, and it would do the trick just fine. I loaded the beer, the Water Joe and a butt-load of ice into a small indiscreet cooler and headed for the practice field.
After throwing two pitches to Kambria I realized having cleats made a big difference. I was sliding all over the place. Every time I stepped to throw a pitch my lead foot would slide out from under me causing me to either drop the ball or throw it 10 feet too high. I know that sounds about normal for me, but I’d been pitching great the past few games and this was really throwing me off. I continued pitching to Kambria, then to Mike and Stropes before letting Mike pitch to Jason. I was concerned now. Just what I needed, something else to psych me out. Oh, and Stropes only made matters worse when he threw a ball back to me from the outfield and nailed the beer I’d been nursing. He got a big laugh out of that. I tried to hold back the tears. Around this time I got a call from Danielle, the girl who’d be subbing for Kaitlyn, asking me where the game field was. I tried to explain it to her in a way she could understand (and as best as I could remember) and she said she’d be there on time. We all then packed up and headed to the field. On the way, I once again popped in Journey and jammed the whole way there to “Don’t Stop Believing.” I was beginning to wonder if maybe this tradition wasn’t all that lucky in that I’d done it every week, and we’d lose, every week. Nah, couldn’t be. There is nothing unlucky about Journey. We got to the field and began to unpack as we were joined by Staz, Jessie, Jamie, and Jamie’s friend Jenna (who was subbing for Ally). We took refuge under the deck by the clubhouse which was the only shade in the entire place. There was still no breeze under hear though, so it was just a matter of being hot in the dark, rather than in the sun. As the game time approached, I began to worry that Danielle still hadn’t shown up yet. This wasn’t going to be another Kimmy-esque no-show would it?
We were the home team, so we were going to be pitching first. We only had nine at the time so Jenna took left field, Mike covered center, and Staz had right. Jessie took over catching duties for the absent Kaitlyn, and Jason filled in for Andy at short. The bases were covered once again by Stropes, Kambria and our anchor, Jamie.
The feeling continued after the game got started. We had a new Ump, a new attitude, a few new players and we weren’t dead from the heat yet. Did I mention that it was a heat index of 104º, which meant it felt like it was one hundred and freaking four degrees outside? Luckily my Under Armor was keeping me cool as I started throwing pitches. To add to the atmosphere, we also had to deal with the extremely bright sun that was starting to go down in the west, which just happened to be the way all of our fielders were facing. So, along with it being ungodly hot, it was also near impossible to see anything. Mix those two elements with a strong (and hot) wind that was blowing from right to left, and you’ve got yourself a ball game. Hit number one came right at me, but I was able to field and do my patented off balance throw to Jon’s non-gloved hand for the out. He once again had to jump off the bag to grab it with his right hand, but it worked, and it’s always a crowd favorite when we pull it off. Sure it’s embarrassing, but at this point, we take what we can get. The next couple of hits were a little better on their part, and they got a few on bases and even got a run in. Mike and Jamie were then able to catch two pop flies and we were up to bat. Stropes was first in the batting order since walk-specialist Andy was out of town. He’d been sending us text messages from Florida bragging about what a good time he was having. I told Kambria before the game that if we won, we were going to have all of our subs pose for a picture and send it to him. I thought it only fair. That first inning we blew through the other team. We scored six runs and made it all the way through our batting order. We didn’t have to take an out either because before she was slated to bat, Danielle finally showed up. And though she didn’t have a glove (so she’d be using Jon’s enormous mitt) she did manage to sneak in some Coronas. That’s a girl who knows her priorities. With a full roster, we filled the gap in the outfield with Danielle who’d had experience in that position before. Famous for her love of mooning people, I asked her if she was prepared to do what needed to be done if we started losing. She said she came prepared and showed off her Wonder Woman panties to me, Stropes and Jessica. I think even Staz trotted in from the outfield for a peek.
Stropes was a mad man on the plate. He and Mike were both crushing the ball, and usually placing it in the soft spot where they were missing a player. Jason was also regaining his softball legs nicely, while at the plate. He was no Andy when it came to walking, but the man did know how to wait for his pitch. In the field it took a bit longer to get back into the game. To be fair, he told me going into the game that he was actually more of a natural outfielder than he was an infielder, but that’s where we needed him, so that’s where he played. I on the other hand was having a great game. I was pitching strike after strike, and the balls they did hit seemed to come right back to me. I was fielding everything that was hit my way. Mr. Golden glove, right here. By the end of the second inning, it was 10 – 3 and we were looking strong. Then came the third inning. It started innocently enough with their first batter hitting a pop fly to left field, which Jenna lost in the sun. It landed behind her, so Mike ran to get it. The guy got a triple out of it, but it didn’t seem to be anything that we couldn’t handle. The next batter knocked one toward me that I needed to field, and as I did, the guy on third base took off for home. Instead of doing the smart thing and getting the out at first, I tried to make a play at home by throwing it to Jessie, who bobbled it, and just barely missed the play. This also allowed the girl on first to turn her sure-out into a double. We were fine though; we still had the lead. All we had to do now was regain our composure and we’d be back on track. The next batter came up and he too hit a shot toward Jenna and once again it went over her head and to the fence. The girl on second round third and went home, and the guy who’d hit the ball wasn’t far behind. Mike got a hold of the ball and launched it to Andy who was the cutoff man. I then took off for home to try and make a play. Andy turned and threw the ball to me as I ran for home and it looked like I was going to be able to make it. I caught the ball, but as I did, my non-cleated feet slid in the dirt and I fell down face first sliding toward home plate. Jessie, who was running toward me then tripped over me, as I tried to reach for the base runner to take him out. I managed to tag his leg as I lay there in the dirt, but the ump called safe, and they scored another run. Jessie and I both got up and disappointedly dusted ourselves off.
The next batter finally got things back on track by hitting a pop fly in the infield, which Kambria caught. Good, one out. Now we just had to get two more and get out of this damn inning. That turned out to be easier said than done. The next 15 minutes may have been the worst in Really Really Big Show Softball history. Everything that could go wrong did. Three or four batters in a row hit shots between Jamie and Jason into the one area that neither of them could reach, sending the balls rolling into the outfield. Mike, who rarely ever missed a ball, dropped a couple or fumbled them as he tried to throw into the infield. Stropes dropped two balls at first that should have been outs. A couple more shots were sent toward Jenna that rolled to the fence. We threw to the wrong base a few times to make plays that weren’t there and I walked two people. The only reason the inning finally came to an end was because they had to take an out every time they got to their 10th batter, which they did twice that inning. That meant the last two outs in the inning came 10 batters apart, and we only got those by default. Talk about breaking your spirit.
But things were about to change. With fire in my eyes, and blood on my uniform, I took to the mound and began what was probably the best softball of my life. My pitches were dead on as I don’t think I threw more than five balls in the next two innings. Not only that, the majority of their hits were now coming right toward me, and between Jon and I, we made five of the next six outs. Our batting also improved. Even Danielle, who was now playing left field for Jenna and was slightly tipsy from her constant drinking, got on base. In the fifth inning, we began making a run with six straight hits including a few doubles. Had we not been down by over double our score, we might have been able to make it interesting. The rally finally came to an end when they got a double play on us to end the inning. I had hit a deep pop fly to center field while Jason was on second base. After tagging up, Jason took off for third, and Mike at first told him to slow up a bit, then when the cutoff man for the other team fumbled the ball, Mike told Jason to head for home. Unfortunately, he didn’t make it in time, and Jason as out at home. With that, time had expired and the game was over. Hot, deflated, defeated and nearly blinded we left the field. We’d discovered yet another way to lose a game, and the worst part was, it was the best and worst game we’d ever played. One bad inning had done us in again.
After the game, Jessie, Jamie, Staz, Stropes, and I took off for BW3s to drown our sorrows in beer and chicken wings. Nothing sounded better to me on a really hot day than overpriced, tongue shriveling hot wings and a tall glass of cheap beer. I got both that night, which finally gave me something to smile about. |
Filling in for our regulars were Jason (a friend of mine and Jessie’s from work), Jenna (a friend of Jamie’s) and Danielle (a longtime friend of ours who also happened to be an intern at the radio station). We’re a tight nit bunch.
Did I mention that it was ungodly hot outside? I’m normally a windows and sunroof down kind of guy, but getting hit in the face with this wind was like sticking your head too close to a barbeque grill. It broke my heart to do so, but I finally turned on the A.C.
When I got there, Stropes and Kambria were already warming up and Jason and Mike were close. I decided it’d be good to throw some pitches because it had been about a week, and it was then that I noticed I’d forgotten my cleats. No matter though, it couldn’t make that much difference. 
Stropes, Staz and Mike went off to practice while the girls sat around and gabbed in the shade. I was busy trying to figure out our batting order when my phone rang. It was Danielle telling me she couldn’t find the place. She had stopped, pulled out her laptop and was mapquesting the place but she wanted me to go over my directions again. She said she was on 71st street headed west, but there was no right turn on to New August like I said there would be. Oops… did I say right turn? I calmly explained that I was an idiot and hold told her the wrong place. She cursed at me and said she be there shortly. This was good news, because the ump was asking us to take the field.
I took the mound, threw a couple of test pitches to Jessica, and slid on every one of them. This was going to be a long game. The good news was that the other team was not only missing a bat, and had to borrow a glove when they were in the field, they were also missing a girl. And unlike us, they didn’t have a sub on the way, which meant that whenever they reached the end of their batting order, it was an automatic out. Everything looked to be coming up Big Show!
The second inning went about the same as the first with them only scoring a couple and us knocking the crap out of the ball. Even I popped one into the outfield over the shortstop's head and got a base hit out of it. Danielle was having a little trouble getting reacquainted with batting, but she did make contact with the ball. Baby steps.
It was then I noticed the huge gaping gash on my left elbow that was would have been bleeding more had it not been filled with dirt. Hurt, both emotionally and now physically, I resumed my place on the mound and tried to compose myself. This type of stuff normally didn’t happen until the fourth inning, we were way too early here.
When we got back to the dugout, everyone was speechless. We’d gone from kicking ass to being down by double digits. And no one could point the finger at anyone else because we’d all really sucked a big one that inning. While I poured beer and water on my aching arm, we managed to go three up and three down while up to bat, which is typical of how we do things the inning after getting our asses kicked in the field. Right back out to the diamond we went.
I thanked Danielle for playing as she packed up her liquor, and I said an embarrassed hi to Jenna’s parents who had come to watch the game. Mike seemed to take the loss harder than anyone as he walked off. The last thing he said was that if we could only get rid of the third and fourth inning in games, we’d be fine. I couldn’t help but agree.
