Posted 8/25/05

Sports Suck

Four teenagers were arrested in the shooting of Philadelphia Eagles defensive end Jerome McDougle. McDougle was shot once in the stomach, and the robbers shot two more bullets at him, but missed. The Arizona Cardinals were surprised because they didn’t know anybody could be that accurate.

The nephew of Royals manager Buddy Bell was killed in Iraq when a bomb exploded. Like Raphael Palmeiro, he didn’t know where it came from.

Colin Montgomerie had to withdraw from the Johnnie Walker Championship because he hurt his hand trying to drive the ball. He said that three fingers on his hand have swollen up and have bruises. One announcer was quoted as saying, “I haven’t seen this many pussies since I watched Real Sex 48”.

WARNING: Now it’s time for a politically incorrect joke. If you are easily offended, don’t read this. If you aren’t easily offended…enter at your own risk. Normally you can tell how offensive a joke is by the first line of the joke. This joke is no different.

Hall of Fame QB Jim Kelly and his wife mourned the death of their 8 year old son after he died last week. Eight year old Hunter James Kelly died after an 8 year struggle with Krabbe disease, a disease that affects the nervous systems, and normally kills children within the first two years of their life. The casket was filled with two tall stuffed giraffes. The family called this the “reverse super bowl”. For once the Dad was on the sidelines watching the kid dying a slow and painful death.

A New York teenager was arrested after he jumped off a balcony at Yankee Stadium onto the net protecting the fans from foul balls. New York hasn’t seen anything fall that fast since 9/11.
Mike Cameron will require facial surgery after colliding with Carlos Beltran in the outfield. Scottie Pippen will require facial surgery because he’s so fucking ugly.