Posted 10/12/05

Sports Suck

Cameroon player Pierre Wome says that he is scared for his family’s life after missing a penalty kick in a game that kept them out of the World Cup. Fans destroyed cars and houses that they thought were his after the game. The fans then reached a new low when they cornered the family, tied them down and made them watch “Hogan Knows Best”.

Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards spent the night in the hospital with a staph infection from a cut from a knife. This is different from Magic Johnson who had a staff infection from a cut from a girl.

ESPN’s pregame show drew record audiences, and the Penn State Ohio State game drew a record rating of 2.1, second only to Sebastian Janikowski’s blood alcohol level.

The Champ Car circuit will have a new sleeker, smaller and safe look to it starting in the 2007 season. The IRL has released a new car designed for rookie Danica Patrick. It comes with vanity mirrors, a cell phone, and they have changed the name of where the driver sits to the vagina-pit.

Temple point guard Mardy Collins has been ranked as the best point guard in the country. Dick Vitale was asked to comment, but he had Mike Krzyewski’s balls in his mouth.

FIFA president Sepp Blatter said that soccer is in danger of being destroyed by wealthy club owners spending too much money. Many clubs spend more than the New York Yankees yearly payroll, The Florida State Seminole’s yearly football payroll, Shawn Kemps monthly child support payments, and The University of Colorado’s bar tab at the annual football recruiting party at “Titties and Kitties Gentlemen’s Club”.